I believe this as well. But I believe depressed aspies can have different experiences. As I feel other depressed people have different experiences of their depression. I wish we accept one size fits all for everything in the world. Click here to read the article.
The Struggle is real. More so for those with mental health issues. Triple so those who are aspies.
But there are things you can do to fight things like social anxiety, bad aspie traits and mental illness bad days.
Exercise.
It's one of the few FREE first aid kits you have access to. You could do it right now. As I could go in the kitchen and eat. I'm really struggling to eat regularly. But of course if it was all that easy, this blog wouldn't exist and nor would this post.
Read Amy from StrongInsideOut story in an interview she did with mindbodygreen below.
Decided to post a video to help those with Autistic family and friends! Do you have anyone who struggles helping those who outburst calm down? Please comment with tips to help one another!
Been quiet as back on sick leave pay. Really been thinking about where this channel goes from previous posts.
I feel it's important for me to post blogs as original pieces for you guys but on the flip side of that to link to people who could inspire you... As they inspire me.
Youtube of late has been fucking up my video recommendations. Yes I like web cam dancing BUT NOT UNDER 18s!! So I started getting a lot of under age teen girl web cam dancing and tomfooley videos. Yuck. Also I'm about 2 years away from my own daughter becoming an teen makes me click that 'not interested' button the more needed.
So after awhile Youtube got the message; I like confident young girls dancing or doing something active but don't take the piss. I hope you guys understand what I mean. I'ms till confused about 18-21 year olds... But that's another story.
So anyway, I came across Jazmine Garcia's channel saw her post about last night gym sess and feels. I became interested and clicked on her profile. First video I saw was this. I had it on in the background but Jazmine tells an amazing story starting from her young teens. Wearing braces, lost in the family (something I mention lightly on this week's podcast on my channel) and working out.
What for me makes Jazmine's story that more interesting is she talks about the DIFFERENT types of work outs in terms of a metal state, including different kinds of diets.
I shall keep my eye on Jazmine. I wanna see more videos I can relate to but I'll try catch her work out videos in the future. About to tweet her saying thanks for this little gem.
I hope you enjoy. Have a great day and remember, you are loved. We are The Aspie Sheep Brigade and we love you.
Last night I was in a really dark place. So much so I tweeted a picture of an woman who hung herself. I really was thinking about it, last night. I found this helped me a lot.
I'm busy with my other projects hence lack of posts here but this came up on my radar. But there's been a few things that's really got my blood boiling.
It starts off with a woman in an dress (confused as a man at times during the video of the angry mob) with an mirror mask and it gets worse from here.
Guys... You've read enough of my rants about society as an whole needing to mature and accept there are people out there who DO not wish to exercise what society TELLS them they should be.
Be you. Be proud. And fuck anyone else who disagrees.
Know if you are different and you don't feel like no one loves you; I love you. Whether you are autistic, transgender or just undefined. I. Love. You. And I am proud of who you are or want to be.
Stay strong. Share this with your friends and warn them: this WILL trigger.
As an birthday present, I would like sex. Wouldn't we all? Just generally like to have sex?
When said like that it seems like such a simple question. However an aspie I have to realize that not everyone thinks like myself. Some people are into the whole boy meets girl, they fall in love, have sex, get married, have baby and have less sex. That's cool.
However they are MILLIONS of other reasons why we have sex. My personal favourites are: Exercise, fun and making me and my partner (AKA right hand, left hand or sex toy) feel great about ourselves.
In an whirlwind TWO MINUTE video former(?) porn star now sex educator Chanel Preston goes through an number of reasons why we like doing the old 'in-out, in-out' as Alex from Clockwork Orange would call it.
If you like what you saw I strongly recommend you guys check her out at her sex-ed blog, here.
Been awhile since I've posted on here because I've been REALLY poorly. So much so I barely go out anymore.
The reason why mostly is because on Thanksgiving of last year I had an public outburst causing under a grand worth of damage and I got arrested for it.
I've been so ashamed I haven't dared leave my flat.
So in order to fight against my anxiety and loneliness I've been focusing my work on my performing art website and working on it's podcast.
I still believe in the Black/Aspie Sheep Brigade message but right now, I'm a mess.
So I thought I would post the first episode on here explaining the struggles I've been dealing with since the incident.
Hope to post something on here soon.
ORCHESTRAL SUITE No. 3 in D minor.
Most people know an different arrangement used in the Hamlet cigar adverts. For me it reminds me of an character's brutal death in battle royale. It's so easy to tell the difference between right and wrong. To judge from afar. But sometimes when the chips are down, you've been on a nice winning streak and then disaster happens, most people 'don't want to be a loser anymore'. Sometimes it's better to burn out then to fade away. Some people deserve some time in the sun. Because similar people or even close friends don't get that chance. I love being an aspie. Everything is slowly making sense to me.
Even in the darkest days of self harm and suicidal thoughts... I'm learning about myself everyday and trying to organize myself and get the help needed to do some of the things that I can't or struggle to. Some aspies, you think they are lucky being blessed with wealth like Elliot Rodger but that doesn't change the fact he was extremely angry and frustrated so he went on a killing spree. Did he also kill himself?
Marcus Jannes did.
The 21 year old aspie from Norway hung himself live on webcam. Why? Struggled with social skills. Extremely lonely. I thought about giving you more names linked with aspergers syndrome, low social skills and harm themselves and yes on rare occasions other people but it's normally the self harm, poor socialising and an often mixed bag good and bad social traits. For example:
pro - I can be obsessive and passionate about things I like and enjoy, picking random facts out of the air I have practically remembered all my life.
Con - poor organizational skills. This includes time management and random tasks.
And of course, my social skills. Admittedly I'm not as bad as some aspies but I can make groups of people feel uncomfortable and I'm extremely bad with cues in conversations. I remember almost being banned from a group's events because I was that hardcore. I made a decision after that to all but stop going to those events. I feel embarrassed to show my true colours and also I HATE being censored. I just wish some people would know the differences between my jokes and my actual facts. This makes meeting new girls hard enough job as it is but there's an double edged sword with '10 hours being a woman in NYC' trending online.
I keep getting flash backs to clips of pick up artists uploading videos of sexual assault and harassment. But I know there also exists videos of mixed groups of people casually chatting, nicely. Friendly. Why don't these videos ever trend? My fear is this: we are living in a world full of strangers and enemies.
I remember an car advertistment featuring a somewhat food chain of traffic and travel: the pedestrian hates the cyclist, the cyclist hates the car drivers and I think if I remember it right EVERYONE hates the truck/lorries. See what I meant about random facts. I'm concerned more education is needed NOW. To understand where people are coming from. Monogamous dislike polyamorous. Polyamorous hate swingers. Swingers (seem to) dislike transgender/gender community. But I'm getting of topic.
I have seen a number of newspapers articles about Twitter wars of the sexes. Lesbians arguing with transgender off the top of my head but one between cis men and a woman made me itch my head. The woman in the 10 hours NYC actually enjoys being cat whistled? I think it's called that. Some women enjoy the attention and so they should. I appreciate a beautiful woman as much as anyone. But I'm terrified about coming across as creepy if I tell them that or similar. I'm very confident and I have certain tastes: women left alone for a bit in a bar/club is like parking a sports car in a ghetto. Sometimes they can get stolen. Often. Or the fear of it. But I didn't proper read the twitter war between the man at the butchers and the food blogger who took offensive being told she 'sounds sexy' on the phone. I guess it's all about content. But that might be the problem. It's not the phrases themselves but the TIMING of those phrases. Sometimes. Which brings me back to my original issue.
I can only pray I make it Crystal clear to the women I speak to the difference between me being nice, me badly flirting or me poking fun with my female friends. I just hope I'm original when chatting online.
It's been a tough time for the love I have for my daughter and I.
Due to 'relationship matters' with adults we haven't been able to hang out as much as I would like.
I would love for us to hang out with family and friends for weekend but it hasn't been possible. Mostly grown ups are to blame. Grown ups fucking suck. But on the flip side my hatred for teenage boys could reach fever pitch at any moment. Then again over the top holier than thou feminists could tempt me to start owning cats.
It's been a funny day going into my daughter's birthday. Family had a huge get together so I mainly hid in my room listening to mental health happy hour (a podcast I highly recommend) and exploring the Guys We Fucked podcast. Guys, This week I did my first ever podcast for my personal blog and I'm hoping it's not long until I do a podcast for this site. So for me the way to learn what I like and can do for others in a podcast depends on what podcasts I listen to and what you guys need in a podcast. The one thing I love about Happy Hour and so far GWF podcast is a similar sense of humour. A reason why I watch, subscribe and bum the fuck out of Watch Girls Play.
One: Humour and cussing. I think they mostly have similar humour and some beliefs that I do.
Two: I find them all attractive. Because I'm vain and visit all women family members, sister, mum, daughter. There are very few men in my life and I doubt I would accept them. Because most men are cunts. These are facts.
Three quickly is playing the games I don't have the balls to play but I need to go back a step. It's the reason why I'm writing this pitch dark at 5 in the morning.
Mankind, I am fucking ANGRY at you.
Listening to GWF and previous posts on here about war of the sexes it's easy to understand why there is such a thing as this war however neither side does anything to calm down the war and tonight... Well that was a super example. I just spend 20 minutes before bed watching properly twitch player Kaceytron and I was horrified at the abuse she was getting in game and in chat.
Now I'm not the type of twitch-er which watching hours on end. I'll watch here and there mainly female streamers. But from what I understand mods are in place, the chat is mostly respectful and friendly. So I'm not sure if this was Troll Thursday or mods were on a coffee break but someone clearly pissed off someone and I started watching slap bang in the middle of a steam voice chat fight. Let's say chat fight in future as it reminds me of cat fight and kind of continues the female linked theme of this post.
As I continue to tell you guys, banter I'm all for. I'm hoping even Happy Hour can back me up on this. Some mother fuckers in the world are too coddamn sensitive. They need Jesus. But the abuse and name calling I heard, maybe it's the father or the literal (only) about the man or even the I love most female non monogamous pervert in me just saw this abuse and it made my blood BOIL. I heard something about sexual acts: listen to me. E-fucking-nough with this men do it, they are awesome women do it they are sluts shit. For real. I'm cunting sick of it. Then again I feel this post should be the random yet fitting end to the Sexes War Trilogy which has hurt my brain for so long. The first two, yes. I'm aspie. I'm awkward and I have no idea how to talk to women. I have to play the Rocky soundtrack to go out and buy milk. I am fucking lonely. But this one? Yes. Of course I'd like to get into a lady's pants as well as her arms as a future result of this post but:
NO WOMEN SHOULS HAVE TO BE ASHAMED OF THEIR SEXUALITY OR FEELINGS ABOUT SEX. WHETHER IT'S MONOGAMOUS, NON, NONE OR OTHER.
EVER.
In fact no one should full stop.
I keep thinking of the time I when to a school in a working class town and I was walking with some male friends. Ahead of us was a lesbian school girl (which is a hot phrase I never thought I would type in a serious context) and my mates took it upon themselves to start throwing insults at this girl. I remember saying that everyone should be free to do and choose their own path in life or words to that effect. The girl turned around after I said this. I thought she was going to punch me but she actually offered me a chewing gum. We've been friends for over 20 years now. Actually she is now a he. But I will still support them. Always. Unless he starts supporting Manchester United. Only cunts support Manchester United. Trust me. I'm an arsenal fan.
And I'm pretty sure only cunts would throw sex based insults at women on the internet. Mainly teen aged boys. I don't believe there is any point of throwing insults at girl gamers. As men surely that's one of the things we look for in the ideal life/long term partner. Similar interests. Now I'm not saying Watch Girls Play, Kaceytron, Ssniperwolf shall be in my bedroom naked already beginning the orge because they couldn't wait for my cock but showing those women respect not just for gaming and being pretty female gamers but are they not human beings? I would love to know how many of these abusive men would be abusive in real life?
For my daughter's and my knuckles sake not many and less that she knows them and lesser that I see them. She is getting to an age where she is starting to learn about sex, boys and how it all 'works'. Gross.
But I don't want her to be let down by men. Like I let down her mum when I was young and stupid. Granted it wasn't anything life changing but I hurt her. And I'm sorry. Any men who tells a woman he will never hurt doesn't grasp the concept of time and clearly isn't breathing. We are imperfect humans. Of course we make mistakes. Only the brave ones apologies for those mistakes.
So if you are thinking I'm going to say sorry for those online male abusive behaviours, I'm not. What would be the point? Most trolls are teen boys. They are still get to become men. I just hope some of them grow up to say sorry and apology.
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You know what's the toughest thing about being an artist?
Possessing a light bulb moment when your interests in work ironically makes you seriously horny.
So for the past few weeks I've been questioning sex, gender and my own struggles being an Aspie. Thus, this has all gone into a huge mental blender and may explain why I'm going to post a picture of my... *ahem* Excitement. This feels like a trilogy of posts about this issue. This being the second and cat calling being the inaugural. But after this post, it's going to be hard to do an encore... No pun.
It's no secret that I imagine the internet hates everyone. Including itself. The double edged sword called 'Freedom of speech' means we are allowed to be vocal about things we love and of course dislike however to call for something to cease... Isn't that censorship?
So... I'm going to post a picture of my ejaculation. And for once it's not about being an artist and upsetting people. It's because I'm fed up of being told to be myself by society and then censored. In fact I'm betting the picture gets pulled. I actually hope it doesn't. I hope whoever gets upset by the picture at least reads this blog post, supports those mentioned posts.
On a personal note I can't stress how confusing and alien the internet can make a person. As mentioned before being someone who struggles with social skills is bad enough but God help you if you add sexuality into the mix.
On some many different angles I have NO idea why the internet is upset about Kim Kardashian's arse. Nor do I care. I'm simply mentioning her to mention people who actually do things for a living.
Am I right in thinking this woman is famous for ONLY being attractive and rich? Really? K.
I really do have an issue (I guess it's not really her fault but the society we live in where you can be loved for doing fuck all or being stupid or both) people saying 'yay team Kardashian! She's got a massive arse and it's sexy' yet when a big beautiful confident woman is in the public spot light like reality TV personality Gemma Collins goes onto another reality show she becomes Jewish and the internet becomes Aryans.
Apparently Gemma had a number of offensive tweets about her weight and short appearance in I'm a celebrity get me out of here. The irony of the show being called that to me is another story but considering this is the same internet who mostly was in uproar about cat calling in New York City really cannot have it both ways.
What I want to get across generally in this blog is I can be playful and have fun at you providing you do the same with me. As we try to find the difference between banter and being an offensive arguing knob head.
But when we cannot support women and their right to be themselves... And then say all men are frightening when they cat call confuses the shit out of me.
Understand: feminist beliefs are not the same. Like mental illness isn't the same. Like being an Aspie isn't. Nor is cat calling.
When porn star James Deen posted what stand up comic and writer Jenn Tisdale called an 'open cat call to the internet' it seemed a large amount of women couldn't fap their tits at the Jew fast enough.
See there's my humour again. James openly jokes about being Jewish and women equal boobs. See the difference between trying to be funny and actually being a CUNT?
With that being said about Deen's cat call it was Tisdale who answered and the two made a video. A porn video.
Which I've seen.
Which brings us to this. Click to be grossed out by spunk. http://imgur.com/egBcRSe
Now it's cigarettes, phone numbers and taxi time... One question still remains. Despite having answered it at the beginning... Why?
Well the spunk is support for an fellow artist and kinda like applauding the work she and the porn star did. Also Jenn herself says she'd like to use the experience with Deen to open up new angles in her work as a writer and as a stand up.
I think people don't realize how much you show to the world as an artist. So there's that.
And then there's the goddamn fucking internet trolls.
Now I would be a hypocrite to say "shut your fucking mouths" and "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything" but a; I would be censoring and denying the freedom of speech I love so much and b; as an performing artist I understand some people constructive criticize which in itself could be seen as helpful or hurtful or both.
But maybe it's the weird feminist in me that is outraged by comments by trolls such as 'her voice (pre-sex and during) is annoying', 'she was in a relationship! What a slut' she was in a open relationship so to me not only is this an attempt to slut shame but also unaware some people enjoy non monogamy. Get over it.
They insult her body, Deen's choice, the scene itself. Blah blah blah.
Lately I've thought of the internet as a war of the sexes. That in itself could feel alienating to those who don't class themselves a gender. So now I think the internet is at a war against itself about almost everything. I dare you to find a thing online which is split by an percentage of people who love it and people who hate it. Why do you think pro One Direction fans clash with everyone outside if their fandom in mainstream culture? I fail to understand if people don't like something why they try to recruit others to follow suit.
The video Deen and Tisdale create doesn't feel like a porno. Which is great because personally I feel some of the porn is artificial in it's creation. I think Tisdale mentions there has to be something other than sex within the video to make it arousing to me. When looking for partners I need that emotional as well as physical attraction. As an Aspie I need to be forgiven more for my fuck ups and to be able to be myself.
My last sub used to come over and I'd put on YouTube videos of wrestling, mma or shit films on silent and random spotify music. The only difference between when she wasn't here and her being here is I'd have no one to cuddle, tease and grope their tits.
I don't have a favourite porn star anymore (I used to like girls like Sophie Dee, Bailey Jay and Ashley Blue but Dee seems like a gimmick with her accent, Bailey's work is hard to get a hold of and Blue has retired but I'm gonna get her book soon). And for the industry that's a shame as I'm one of these people who needs to feel the need to pay for a product I will always enjoy.
Basically I'm telling you I'm one of these scum bags who doesn't like paying for porn.
I find either the idea for the video is great but the chemistry I don't like or the girl is attractive but there's no chemistry. I feel Tisdale has similar beliefs. No one likes paying for something they are disappointed with.
I think it's important to be brave and to praise those who have the strength to do so rather than pull up what I believe to be 'cards'. J- law's The fappening event? 'bad role model' card. For a moment let's forget she and a number of female celebs were hacked. What if she wanted to share with the one she loves her body? Btw I love how a model (who's name I've ironically forgot) that actually shows off her own pictures gets ignored. Miley Cyrus being outrageous and sexual? 'The children' card. Similar to the role model card where if the internet cannot win an argument cleanly, uses the idea that some parents are lazy and cannot police their children not to view the more sexual outlandish shit Miley does.
Ultimately what Jenn, James and I hope my spunk teaches is simple. As humans we should have the right to be exhibitionists in the right time and places online. I want to live in a world where if I want to post pictures of myself and my partners naked and or in sexual positions, we will be praised arose others and maybe encourage other adults to follow suite and share without fear of losing our jobs. The fact people can lose their jobs and or support for a political stance is fucking ridiculous and dated.If you work high up in child education or government and feel sex and kinky people are a danger to your organization, I feel sorry for you. I really do. A person and their sexual preferences should never compromise life outside of the bedroom.
Or living room.
Or shower.
Bath.
Hotel room.
Car park...
I'm pretty sure she is already aware of the concept of war. The first lines of that song mentions Mike having a child and it asking him what war is. Well weapon!
Since my outpouring of emotions of sexual, social and mental frustration in a post earlier this month I've decided within my aspie mind that everyone in the world hates everyone.
So to 'celebrate' this let's at each side of the coin covered by posts on this blog.
First a friend of mine. An feminist. Yes I am friends with feminists because they realise my token black guy routine in youtube videos is just that. A routine. If course calling everyone either a 'nigga', 'bitch' or 'faggot' doesn't mean I'm a member of Combat 18. It just means I listen to a lot of hip hop music and know street terms, where words have multiple reasons and can be used as nouns or objectives. In the post we discuss the pressures of being a beautiful woman in the eyes of society. Being in constant pain to shaving and of course, cat calling.I have no idea why it's called that. Pussy? Post related. Possibly.
The next blog is myself, the creative director of this place having a good old fashioned rant about my fellow man.
There's a blog out there which seems to date back women's rights a good 40 years for the 'good' of masculine ones. I like mentioning I spent a large number of years being from a single parent family do I am very in favour of feminist rights, however I am curious about being the alpha male who dominates other men, own everything he touches and provides knowledge and things to my family but some of those rules in that blog are fucking ridiculous.
The fact of some less cunty men like myself very counted with the cunty douchbaggy boys in the same basket really pisses me off.
Understand, this rage doesn't come from being a man wanting to get laid due to his curiosity of female rights.
It comes from the days where my mum tried to play my mum and my dad with my upbringing. Fighting and hustling even to this day for everything she beliefs in. I think that's why our fights is something of a verbal Dragon Ball Z of destruction.
We give a shit in what we believe in. Even if sometimes I get confused thanks to my aspergers or and I'm triggered and decide to head butt the carpet until my head is busted open.
And yes that did happen once, to my embarrassment. So... Here's the post about that blog. Forgotten the name of the blog.
So what are your thoughts on the seemingly most opinionated of issues of late?
You pro or do you rebuke cat calling? Are you red blooded in your manliness or are you an metro-male?
It's hard surviving as a small/micro business. Which is made harder when you are high functioning autistic.
For reasons beyond our control both out amazon and eBay have been temporary frozen.
Needlessly to say plus personal struggles I am losing confidence to continue trading. I was having a good week with traffic increase and sorting out a long going problem with a dangerous debt I now feel motion-less and nothing. Last time I was like this I think I tried to kill myself. I can't remember. So I'll try chat to a few partners and agencies to see what can be done.
In the meanwhile we are still trading but via the open networks we have. Here, social networks (twitter and Facebook etc) where we shall also look for safe ways to exchange and trade like PayPal.
On a personal note I'm coming upto a year trading and it's a push. Although on the plus they say the first year is always the hardest. Hopefully year two will only exist but will get better.
So here is pictures of what we sell. If interested please e mail theblacksheepbrigade@gmail.com for latest prices and items in stock.
Playstation 4 controller rubber casing. Also available in blue.
Playstation controller grip buttons.
Micro san disk card available in 8gb and 16gb
iPhone 3GS, refurbished. Available in 8 & 16gb. Black only.
Harry Potter Deadly Hallows bracelet
We deliver to Europe. All brand new items unless stated. For faster delivery, message us.
I've already written an blog today... Let's see how long it takes to upload it.
Tomorrow I'm going to try edit size-able videos for my other blog but let's see how that goes.
Recently
I'm getting fed up of my own style of writing. It's not that I don't
enjoy it... It's just I'm fraustrated with how the shops are doing and I miss the freedom being free ranged self employed tagged on. But on the
other hand, fuck it. I knew this would be a struggle from day one. Hell,
before day one. God said 'let there be light' and all that shit. If I
learned anything from leaving secondary school early, passing college on
the third(?) time of asking and all those years at drama school and
university, it's this.
Read a book.
Read books.
Read a goddamn bloodclaart book.
Read books, mother fucker. Read 'em.
Failing that, there's always a good blog or two to follow and read. (TMZ DOES NOT COUNT).
I've managed to ignore the lessons depression has been trying to teach me but my God am I paying for that now.
But
like 12 plus years of being in an educational institute, you are not
alone. There are professionals and professors to ask for help with
tricky questions, colleagues to hang out and swap pokemon cards with and
opposites of sex to get drunk with, have drunken sex with, sleep with
and then when you both wake up try to fuck them again in the shower. Or
maybe that last bit is just me.
However
I consider depression the drama/art training some people disregard an
made up lesson in life. Where has the rich kids fucked off to
happiness/law school with the daddy's money and married at 21 (Cunts.
Utter. Yippie. CUNTS).
So graduates from
any school of life can read this brillant post from Lifehacker's Eric Ravenscraft and either use it as help or as a bit of an idiot sheet for
understanding what some of us go through, every day.
I haven't written in a month or two. Then again I don't think I've have got hard coming up to a month, either.
I think either my meds or depression are the reasons for both. Having no desire to mastabute. No desire to do things I enjoy equals no desire to write these blogs.
Which sucks as I love writing. It's the artist in me that wants to create. Shit I'd create everyday if I could. I probably still do create everyday but... It's so hard. More so when you are easily destracted out of your vibe by a shit phone. My phone stopped playing music and now totally crashed ruining this introduction. So fuck it. I might as well ignore the smooth transition I planned in my mind (As it's been forgotten) and get into these blog posts.
I am an actor. But I'm so much more than that. I have evolved into something that could be game changing. As mentioned my problem is focus, concentration and my illness. My Aspeger's I feel actually helps with creating work that normal people can't really begin to imagine or put together.
So it makes me so angry when people give up. Now I'm not a fan of the machine in the business... But I am an artist. I love my career. I watch, listen and read performing arts every day. In the hope I can find the answer to live the life I want but yet do the work I love.
Some people have just got IT. And not only does it get them work but it gets them more work. One thing I learned at drama school is hard work generates more work. However for some people that's not enough to put up with the trolls and the politics. It's not a super bad ending but I read this, related to it and wish everyone in this story luck with where ever they go next. Cliiiiiiiiick.
Ooooh dear God. I hope this is the last ever time I post an flame war blog post. Due to the irony differences we all have about all issues I fucking well doubt it.
Although I doubt I have to explain the reason why this blog is here and it's main protagonists.
I was looking for people who may fit into what this blog is about: people who do not fit in with every day social. Yet. Some will do but I for one ain't that bothered. Anyway I came across this tweet by trans queer porn star Chelsea Poe:
and also a lot of trans models do Id with the t word and its not problematic at all for them.
— Chelsea Poe (@ChelseaPoe666) June 17, 2014
I thought her avatar was hella cute so I followed. Scrolling though her tweets and checking out and checking out her Tumblr to try find more cute pictures of her I found kind of kick off that RuPaul started. What that was I don't really care. I'm watching the football and I don't watch to go down that rabbit hole. More so if it's about trans people and their rights. Why people can't be free to do what they want anyway is beyond me. Or maybe that is the problem. Too much freedom. See?! This is fucking why I didn't want to open this box!!
I have to be careful with this... I have an opinion on this... But in terms of gender roles, lesbians and/or transwomen I feel I'd be on egg shells whenever I mention where I stand. My humour is controversial and I just want everyone to be free to do what they want. But I'm sure others stand in the way (Of people doing what they want). Hell have no fury and all that.
So that's the whole war. I think this is... Stop it, Evan... I'm not posting my 2 pence on this!
The war continues with Chelsea, her fans, Lily and her fans posting points for and against on tumblr but I'm bored of this.
However it's interesting how some rules are argued for and against. Apparently more to that than this as Lily posts on her blog...
Update note. 23 of February, 2015. I continue to try and fight to a place I feel I deserve to be and Dean Fagan continues to be awesome. I'm trying to get him onto my podcast so here's hoping. I also comment on this year's Oscars. I feel I am no longer in love with the magic of the Hollywood machine. But I still believe in others trying to show their true colours and voice their voice in a tough place for individuality. Fight the good fight, people. Evan
I begin writing this 3rd of March, 2014.
This week has been big for my career path of performing arts. Just not only for the reasons you can think of.
Dean
Anthony Fagan starts his journey as a soap star in coronation Street.
Personally who he plays I don't know nor care. I'm not a fan of soap
operas. I feel there are responsible for an generation of gossip drama
queens hooked on reality TV and attempting to emulate such ridiculous
behavior and become z list celebrities.
What I am... Is a admirer of Dean's work.
I've
known Dean for 6 years. It's an urban legend that 3 per cent of post
grad performers 'don't make IT'. And I mean that I mean that in the
sense of the child like idea that everyone in this career path wants to
be rich and famous. Else what's the point? I know because not only have I
been brain washed by the system of old farting dying dinosaurs but
that's what outsiders think I want.
Understand: I
started as an actor for one reason. Revenge. Note my work has matured
and Dean is one of the reasons why my work has.
I
think to training at Salford Uni, I was never in a social circle but on
the outskirts of them all. I can think of a short list of people I
loved personally, people I love working with and an even shorter list of
people who fit into both categories. Dean was one of them. Between us
there's always been an professional mixture of respect, chemistry and
genuine friendship. Even though I will not be watching I wish Dean the
best of luck at Salford queys.
You DO NOT want to know what was in that drink.
And nor do I when I think about it.
Maybe
one day Dean will be winning awards. Maybe I will. But I wouldn't go to
the award ceremony. It's not my style. I'm the type of guy that you
invite and I come and drink your booze and fuck your women. From what I
remember Dean is a work horse. I've been out drinking getting wankered
and remember him either working DJ or getting a early night because he's
working on something the next day. Reminds me of Dame Helen Mirren. Who
also no showed at the oscars. Where the fuck was I going with that point? I think I should just say this is my list of Black Sheep Oscar winners.
Now some of these are the films themselves, some are the characters. Some are the actors. I didn't want to work with too big a list. I didn't want to prolong your patience. But what I DID what you- NEED you to see is belief and passion in what you love will take you to some amazing places. And so will a good story and story tellers.
Let's begin.
Jennifer Lawerence - 2012 'Silver Linings Playbook'
Anxiety and Depression
Okay, before I get into talking about ANY OF THE FILMS OR ARTISTS I AM NOT EASILY IMPRESSED NOR SWAYED BY HOLLYWOOD MACHINE COCK SUCKERS. If a film or artist touches me, I'll admit. But most of the time... Not so much. Also I only watch the films where I can escape my own life.
I have to admit I saw the poster to this film and I didn't care much. And then I heard the main character Pat has depression... Or so I was told but I'm seeing it's bi-polar which of course is a form of depression... I thought, fuck it. I'll bare Bradley Cooper (Because everyone thinks he's good looking but I am jealous of him, the attention and hate him. He reminds me of that modded picture of a baby that looks like a troll. I'm more an Christian Bale kinda guy in terms of attention and acting) and check out the trailer. I have to say I was surprised how curious it got me about the story. Not the film. Although doing my research I could still turn and watch the film. But I feel I may like the book more.
On a side note from what I saw I feel the two are very much on the outskirts of 'normal people' and 'normal friendshipships'. From the clips I saw you could be forgiven to think that these two apart from being utterly fucked up and having a tough time in life have nothing in common. Also I hear the words 'crazy' and words like it thrown around alot. I'm guessing stressing the how we use words in normal conversation in seemingly modain situations. Like 'I'm going to eat you all up' or '[that person] will kill you if they find out', and so on.
Tiffany's condition however isn't named in the film. But she does mention being extremely depressed and also using sex to self med. Dr Steven Schlozman, an Harvard Pyschotherapist in his interview for Vulture goes into better details better than I can. Told y'all niggas; I ain't no shrink, yo. I almost had to google that word to check how it's spelled.
"It's hard not to see that character and wonder a little about borderline personality disorder for her.
So she's had a significant response to a pretty awful trauma, the death
of her husband. But she wasn't doing well even before then, because we
know she said, "Look, I can barely take care of myself." And we don't
know whether those medications she talked about being on actually
predated or came after that trauma.
We can make the assumption that
there's depression, because someone put her on Effexor, which is an
antidepressant. But you can have both: You can have depression and
borderline personality disorder.
I think her life's more complicated than she's leading on. So she's not
out of the woods yet. I'd actually worry a little bit more about her
than about him."
First EVER Gay US Politician to be elected to major office
I dunno if I've told you... But I LOVE my gay friends. All of LGBT community. Really I do.
They are the most honest, the most loving, supportive, kindest friends I know. Their honest frightens me a little due to my anxiety mixed with paranoia but that's just me. Why anyone would want to hurt anyone because of who they love makes me physically angry. 2014 and we STILL have gay pride marches. WHY?! Why do we need to march to be proud of who we are? The same reason I don't get Black History month. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad we have it however it's so terrible we still have people trying to shut out and restrict those who have the strength and pride to do something society is not used to. This blog in a way is me saluting you, my fellow black sheep. My fellow degenerates.
Again, I've not seen this film but the research I did made me smile from ear to ear. I know what it's like (not to the point where people threaten my life like they did with Harvey Milk) to be told to stand down from my beliefs... Waaaaaaaaaaay past before I told people I'm a brony. But Harvey Milk in my mind was the first white guy to do so under extreme prejudice. My first introduction to anarchy to the normal system was Malcolm X. Both were assassination before their time but their message forever lives in men and women like me. I wear those colours proudly.
Admittedly I'm going into this one a little blind.
Finding enough writing about this film is tough I think it's one of those you need to watch but personally it's not my type of film. So I think? I dunno.
I'm a slightly swayed thanks to Woody Allen in the chair... But I'm still working through episodes of Breaking Bad, 24 and Battlestar Galactica.
I don't think Maria's illness is discussed or the non-monogamous nature of the relationships the cast engage with each other.
Maria's 'best' bits. May not work in your country.
However I must say Cruz in that gun scene rings with me. Thinking you are going so crazy that you are a danger to yourself and others. Like your mind is going to explode and the only way to cure it is to end it all. I've been there. And sadly I may go there again in later life. I'm the type of person that believes mental illnesses such as depression and anxiety never leave your mind... They just change size within you during good times and bad.
Philip Seymour Hoffman
Struggled with drug addition
Arguably one of the greatest actors of our generation.
I almost feel like saying 'nuff said' but of course there's more. There's always more when you are fighting personal demons in your own life.
"In a 2006 interview with 60 Minutes, Hoffman revealed that he suffered from drug and alcohol abuse during his time at New York University, saying that he had used "anything I could get my hands on. I liked it all."[139] Following his graduation in 1989, he entered a drug rehabilitation program at age 22, remaining sober for 23 years until relapsing with prescription medications in 2012. He began using heroin again in 2013, and admitted himself to drug rehabilitation for approximately 10 days in May of that year."
It seemed Philip battled these demons alone as his personal life was well kept secret from the public eye.
Here's one on my all time FAVOURITE PSH scenes.
This is Mission Impossible 3. For me he's just PERFECT in this scene. Playing the main villian in this film I'm sure made a lot of people raise eyebrows but... PSH? NAILED IT.
In 2005 PSH won an Oscar for Best Actor For Capote.
Hilary Swank - 'Boys Don't Cry'
Transgender
This film's end-game* is so fucking heart breaking it almost deduces me to tears EVERY TIME I see it. I don't understand how easy it is to hate rather than love. I'm forcing myself to remember the scene in order to r- No, fuck it. Just watch the goddamn film and prep to get your heart broken. One of the few times a scene so brutal makes me shudder.
If you don't know it's the true story of the life and times of Brandon Teena, a transgender male and his girlfriend. And his 'friends'.
In a side note during research I read that Kimberly Peirce was in the chair for the Carrie remake. Remembering this film I'm surprised it didn't do too well at the Box Office.
*End-Game is Evan-ish for when an film's main plot reaches an ultimatium. THIS IS NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH THE END OF THE FILM.
HONORABLE MENTIONS
Shine - Geoffrey Rush (Mental breakdown)
Rain Man - Dustin Hoffman (Autistic)
You know what I love about my career? I can be me times ten.
I can be anyone a piece of text/director/casting staff tells me I am. And if they don't thanks to social media video networks I still can create my own work and put it on a platform where people are willing to invest time and sometimes money to see my work and views. For me, effort, hard work and the COURAGE to work in performing arts is needed to survive. The WORST you can do is go through the motions of the emotions which is needed. As far as I can tell you, Dean has all three. That's why that son of a bitch better buy me a mother fucking drink for being all up on his dick mentioning him in this post. Yo.
Mine and Dean's careers are not the only thing that needs courage. To be polyamours. To be a brony. To gay, bi, asexual. To be vegan, straight-edged. To be YOU takes courage. If you left your house today... Congratulation. You as YOU have shown the courage that these characters and actors have shown in their roles, work, lives. I have days where my sub wants to come round and I shit myself (not literally, you silly bitch) and either make excuses... Or I can tell her to come over for cuddles and giggity, giggity goo. That takes courage. On her part as well. She knows I'm poly depressed brony. She could run for miles. But she stays and chooses to love me. One person added me on Steam, saw I had Rainbow Dash as my avatar and not only deleted me but also blocked me.
The line from the new Robocop reboot is getting tran-scripted: after all these great films, characters and stories... Why are we STILL SO Different-fobic?
And I ask in this day and age, can being different... Living life in ways that others do not live... Is that so wrong? Must autistic children be threatened with violence because they scream in the streets "like retards"? Must transgender people be beaten up or worst, murdered?
Must Muslim people have their lives and ways of worship challenged because it causes public destress? Must [insert people's problems with breast feeding in public. Boobs. I like boobs] booby boobs?
Sadly until the fear of different goes away we all are stuck with this shit. Thankfully sometimes story telling and tellers give us a glimmer of hope of what is to time.
Russell Crowe said it best; [Us, the actors] are just gypsy moving from place to place telling our stories.
To those who wish to be inspired... I say... Dream on, black sheep. Dream on and work well and have courage in your hearts.
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